Should Women Take the Lead?

Do men want to be pursued?

Emily Ann Mark
3 min readMay 22, 2022

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Photo by The Paris Photographer on Unsplash

When it comes to dating, what’s the bottom line on women taking the lead and pursuing the men?

I’ve read a handful of dating books. Skimmed through more advice articles than I can count. Listened to podcast after podcast. Indulged in YouTube videos, and when I’m needing a quick fix of information, TikTok.

I’ve listened to family and friends. I’ve even had a chat with myself a time or two.

Don’t do Emily, he’s not worth it.
But I do it anyway.

How aggressive is too aggressive for a woman to take initiative and make the move?

I’ve struggled with this. Because I kind of like being in charge. I’m a ‘do it myself’ person, and I like the rush (maybe I was a man in my past life).

After my divorce, as I entered the dating world —I wouldn’t be so shy, I’d make the move. On dating apps — I have a good pickup line or two. I’m not afraid to ask a guy out for a drink or meet for a cup of coffee. I’ll even go as far as to set the date and make the plans.

But isn’t that backwards? Is that too aggressive? Shouldn’t the man take the lead to show he’s interested? Should the man put in the effort to make reservations and save the date?

Is it not the man that pursues?

I heard that women who take the lead are attracting men of lower quality and standards. The men are lazy, they’re not looking for anything serious, and it lowers your standing as a high-value woman.

Because a high-value woman doesn’t have to do anything other than be herself. She stands in her beautiful presence and trusts that the right man will notice and make the effort.

Men are the hunters. They like a challenge and will go after what they want. If a woman presents herself as easy to get, he loses interest and moves on.

Pursuit over before it even began.

On the flip side, I can also see a confident woman knowing what she wants and not afraid to go out and get it. I believe there’s a fine line and delicate balance between making a subtle gesture that a woman is interested in a man. And then being absolutely too…

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Emily Ann Mark

Breakups. Relationships. Mindset. Personal growth. Failures. Life can be messy. Let’s talk about it.